I need to devote a blog entry to something I lovingly call the Facebump. But first, I should explain what the Facebump is. Back when I found out I was pregnant, I stumbled across a website called thebump.com. It was all about babies and pregnancy, and since I was clueless about both, I joined. I settled into a group where all members had due dates in September.
It was really nice, as we were all going through the same things at roughly the same time, and a nice comradarie developed. Over time, we stopped posting on the bump and started posting as a private group on Facebook.
This private group was called September Sweet Peas. We had our babies and have become a wonderful support for each other.
The 294 members of the group come from all walks of life, are scattered across the country, are a mixed bag of races and religions, and have wildly different opinions on all topics. Despite this, and this is not to say that there are not personality conflicts and that everyone shits rainbows, we come together when it counts.
Out of a group of strangers, real relationships have developed. I have been fortunate to live close to a few of the girls and have hung out with them, not just as moms, but as friends. It is not just us girls that live on Long Island that have met up. Girls have been meeting each other all over the country. There is even a giant get together planned for this summer in Chicago.
We know each other's secrets, we know each other's strange dreams, we have shared advice, asked for help, vented, raged. We talk about every topic under the sun, nothing is off-limits. Sex...check, religion...check, politics...check. Oh, I should mention that we do, from time to time, fight with each other. Sometimes the fights are with love behind them, sometimes it is between girls that really do not like each other.
There is a lot that I could say about what the group means to me. They rallied around me and supported me completely when were told that our daughter was going to be born with a possibly fatal genetic condition. It wasn't just "So sorry, thinking about you". It was "So sorry, thinking about you." followed by days of concerned questions and follow up questions and offers to be my sounding board if I should need one.
Then my daughter landed in the hospital before she was even 2 months old. Once again, my girls raised me up with their genuine concern. These women, most of whom I have never met asked for updates about my daughter all the time. Their collective concern for my child was overwhelming and helped give me the strength I needed.
And, it is not just my child that this love and concern is shown for. Everytime a difficult situation arises for one of the group members, we are there to help lift that person up. And when one of the moms experienced the loss of her child, we did what we could. I am not going to get into the specifics because that story is not mine to tell, but I will be forever touched and in awe of what transpired within our group after that tragedy.
It is such a shame that girls are not shown examples of positive female relationships. TV shows and movies show womens' relations as such a negative thing filled with jealousy, cattiness, and disloyalty. I like to think that we are an example of the best of womens' relations. We are supportive, loving, real. I wish girls could see what we are. I wish girls could see that, even though not everyone is best friends, even though there is some bickering, women can have positive relations with other women. More girls need to see this.
So, to my Sweet Peas...thank you
XOXOXO
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
babies are weird and gross and cute and some things non-baby
While Evangeline sleeps, I want to get down some of what has been going on.
1) My daughter likes to beat the shit out of her face. Seriously. She has this nightly ritual that she does when she is going to bed and it culminates with a nightly face-beating. It begins innocently enough. She starts moaning and whining a little and rubbing her face into me or Alex. That is our cue to put her to bed. Once in bed, she brings her hands her to her mouth and yells at them. Her eyes will be closed the entire time. It is pretty funny. I don't know what her hands did to offend her, but there must have been a serious transgression there. After her hands have been properly chastised and she has stopped yelling, it becomes time to beat herself up. She flails her arms about pretty violently and whacks them onto her little face again and again. At first, we tried stopping this, but we learned soon enough that this is what she had to do to fall asleep. But, make no mistake, that shit hurts. I have put my face next to hers while she is doing this and have taken a hit from her arms. It's no joke man, she is a strong little stinker.
2) Evangeline seems to develops grosser and grosser habits with each passing day. Here are two of these gross habits. The first is drooling. Now, I know that it is just because she has started the teething process, but it does not make it any prettier. She drools constantly. I would not be the least bit surprised if she drools her body weight everyday. We are talking continual streams of drool. She is like a St. Bernard. Secondly, she has realized that she can lift things up to her mouth. She has also realized that it is fun to shove things in her mouth and chew on them. The two of these put together have made for some interesting moments. She loves to chew on her fists and her blankets. However, my daughter does not discriminate. Whatever she can grasp is fair game. So, she has chewed on stuffed animals, a Xmas ornament, my scarf, my cat's tail (don't ask), my hair, you name it. What makes it even nastier is that she shoves whatever she has in her hand, so far down her throat that she gags. She will take her hand out and wait until the gagging subsides and shove it back in again and gag again. It is like a game to her. It is a game that has ended in vomit more than once. Fun for her, I guess. My baby is just a gross weirdo.
3) I joined Weight Watchers online. It sucks. I hate it. I am hungry. I have lost 4 lbs in 3 days, so I am going to stick with it. But, I will bitch about it every chance I get.
4) Malls are really the armpit of commerce. Since I am not a shopper, I do not frequent malls, but I know that will be changing now that I have a baby. When it is too cold to do anything else and I need to get out of the house, I will go walk the mall. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. This is what I don't get about malls: when did the marketers decide that assaulting shoppers sense of sight, hearing, and smell is good business sense. I went yesterday to pick up a few things that I absolutely needed. I went in and went out and was done within an hour. But, the headache I got while at the mall lasted all day. First, the music that blasts out of every store is way too loud and is awful. It is all that fist-pumping crap. Like, if you are going to blast music, pick something good at least. So, my hearing was assaulted. Next, I had to deal with the smells. I assume that the amount of putrid cologne that wafts out of every teen clothing store has a purpose. It cannot possibly be to lure the customer in because of how awful the smells are. No, it must be something else. I have a theory that the strength of the scent makes the shopper dizzy and disoriented and more likely to make unwise shopping decisions. Whatever the reason, now my sense of smell was attacked. Finally, enough with the neon lights and dancing light beams and high intensity ceiling lights. It hurts the eyes and does not make me want to look at the merchandise. With my senses completely beaten up, I left with a raging headache and a pissed off baby that woke up every time we passed a store playing that techno shit. Malls suck.
Anyway, the tanks empty, that's all I got for now. Later.
1) My daughter likes to beat the shit out of her face. Seriously. She has this nightly ritual that she does when she is going to bed and it culminates with a nightly face-beating. It begins innocently enough. She starts moaning and whining a little and rubbing her face into me or Alex. That is our cue to put her to bed. Once in bed, she brings her hands her to her mouth and yells at them. Her eyes will be closed the entire time. It is pretty funny. I don't know what her hands did to offend her, but there must have been a serious transgression there. After her hands have been properly chastised and she has stopped yelling, it becomes time to beat herself up. She flails her arms about pretty violently and whacks them onto her little face again and again. At first, we tried stopping this, but we learned soon enough that this is what she had to do to fall asleep. But, make no mistake, that shit hurts. I have put my face next to hers while she is doing this and have taken a hit from her arms. It's no joke man, she is a strong little stinker.
2) Evangeline seems to develops grosser and grosser habits with each passing day. Here are two of these gross habits. The first is drooling. Now, I know that it is just because she has started the teething process, but it does not make it any prettier. She drools constantly. I would not be the least bit surprised if she drools her body weight everyday. We are talking continual streams of drool. She is like a St. Bernard. Secondly, she has realized that she can lift things up to her mouth. She has also realized that it is fun to shove things in her mouth and chew on them. The two of these put together have made for some interesting moments. She loves to chew on her fists and her blankets. However, my daughter does not discriminate. Whatever she can grasp is fair game. So, she has chewed on stuffed animals, a Xmas ornament, my scarf, my cat's tail (don't ask), my hair, you name it. What makes it even nastier is that she shoves whatever she has in her hand, so far down her throat that she gags. She will take her hand out and wait until the gagging subsides and shove it back in again and gag again. It is like a game to her. It is a game that has ended in vomit more than once. Fun for her, I guess. My baby is just a gross weirdo.
3) I joined Weight Watchers online. It sucks. I hate it. I am hungry. I have lost 4 lbs in 3 days, so I am going to stick with it. But, I will bitch about it every chance I get.
4) Malls are really the armpit of commerce. Since I am not a shopper, I do not frequent malls, but I know that will be changing now that I have a baby. When it is too cold to do anything else and I need to get out of the house, I will go walk the mall. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. This is what I don't get about malls: when did the marketers decide that assaulting shoppers sense of sight, hearing, and smell is good business sense. I went yesterday to pick up a few things that I absolutely needed. I went in and went out and was done within an hour. But, the headache I got while at the mall lasted all day. First, the music that blasts out of every store is way too loud and is awful. It is all that fist-pumping crap. Like, if you are going to blast music, pick something good at least. So, my hearing was assaulted. Next, I had to deal with the smells. I assume that the amount of putrid cologne that wafts out of every teen clothing store has a purpose. It cannot possibly be to lure the customer in because of how awful the smells are. No, it must be something else. I have a theory that the strength of the scent makes the shopper dizzy and disoriented and more likely to make unwise shopping decisions. Whatever the reason, now my sense of smell was attacked. Finally, enough with the neon lights and dancing light beams and high intensity ceiling lights. It hurts the eyes and does not make me want to look at the merchandise. With my senses completely beaten up, I left with a raging headache and a pissed off baby that woke up every time we passed a store playing that techno shit. Malls suck.
Anyway, the tanks empty, that's all I got for now. Later.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
next time will just pay for the pictures
As part of our austerity budget, we decided to forego paying someone to take pictures of our daughter for Xmas cards. How hard could it be to get a nice photos ourselves, right?
Wrong.
I googled 'baby christmas picture ideas' and got inspired by all the cute chubbers. I particularly loved the babies that were surrounded by xmas lights. The pictures looked so dreamy. I thought 'I can do this'.
So, first I set up a shoot that used a red blanket as a backdrop, had a nest of white lights, and an xmas teddy bear. I took a practice shot with the teddy bear to see how it would look:
I liked this very much, I was very excited. Unfortunately, I did not account for the big difference between the stuffed animal and a baby. Yeah...the baby moves. Oh, and the baby was a cranky fuss tonight. The best photo I was able to get with this idea was:
That was not gonna do. I next decided to try to put her in her xmas dress and use a white backdrop. My daughter hates dresses and decided that the best course of action was to eat the dress in protest. The best shot from this stroke of genuis:
Running out of patience, I went back to my original idea. My daughter started cooperating and almost seemed to pose for the pictures. The downside was the lighting. When I took the flash off, the pictures were great, except for her face. Her face was all shadow. When I put the flash on, the xmas lights and dreamy quality I was looking for disappeared. This is what I got:
So, without a good shot, and with only a few days left before we HAVE to get out cards out, I am going to have to try this again tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Wrong.
I googled 'baby christmas picture ideas' and got inspired by all the cute chubbers. I particularly loved the babies that were surrounded by xmas lights. The pictures looked so dreamy. I thought 'I can do this'.
So, first I set up a shoot that used a red blanket as a backdrop, had a nest of white lights, and an xmas teddy bear. I took a practice shot with the teddy bear to see how it would look:
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
hate the cold, love the veggies
I hate the cold weather.
The dead leaves that litter the ground make me sad. The bare branches are downright depressing. While I do love the first snowfall, particularly if it happens at night, I would trade the first snow for a longer summer any day of the week.
Maybe I need to learn how to ski. Or snowboard. Or, just accept the fact that I will never really like the cold weather.
But I do love the cold weather veggies.
Veggies make me happy. I don't eat them for the health benefits, that is just a bonus. I eat them because they are so damn good. Tomatoes, brussel sprouts, asparagus, zuchinni...good stuff. Veggies are versatile and, if you buy them in season, they are cheap. Usually, there is at least one choice of organic veggie on sale each week. If possible, buy organic, they are better for you and I happen to think that they taste a little better. But, examine them carefully. A lot of times, the markets will put the organic produce for sale because they are not in the best shape.
Winter veggies are no exception to this. There is less variety in the colder months, but there is still an endless assortment of recipes that can be made with them. Roots veggies are readily available and lend themselves to soups, stews, tarts, and a ton of side dishes. My husband and I are huge fans of squash and I made a recipe that can be altered to fit several diet types. The ingredients for this soup are cheap and you may already have most of them on hand.
Butternut squash soup
4 cups butternut squash, cut into small cubes
12 ounzes reduced sodium chicken stock (or veggie stock for vegan recipe)
1/2 cup milk (or coconut milk for vegan recipe)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon all spice
1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
Combine all in a large saucepan and cook, covered, on medium heat until the squash is mushy. Transfer the soup to a blender and blend until a smooth puree. Return to saucepan, reduce heat to med-low and cook for another 10 minutes, or until the soup has thickened slightly. Enjoy.
Notes:
1) The spices are all to taste. Play with them and find out what you like.
2) Most people prefer a slightly sweeter soup, but I do not. If you like things a little sweeter, add a little more brown sugar, but taste it first.
3) For a really decadent soup, you can replace the milk with half and half.
4) If you cannot find reduced sodium chicken stock, purchase regular, but do not add any salt to the soup. Once the soup is pureed, taste it and add more if needed.
Hope you guys like this soup as much as we do.
The dead leaves that litter the ground make me sad. The bare branches are downright depressing. While I do love the first snowfall, particularly if it happens at night, I would trade the first snow for a longer summer any day of the week.
Maybe I need to learn how to ski. Or snowboard. Or, just accept the fact that I will never really like the cold weather.
But I do love the cold weather veggies.
Veggies make me happy. I don't eat them for the health benefits, that is just a bonus. I eat them because they are so damn good. Tomatoes, brussel sprouts, asparagus, zuchinni...good stuff. Veggies are versatile and, if you buy them in season, they are cheap. Usually, there is at least one choice of organic veggie on sale each week. If possible, buy organic, they are better for you and I happen to think that they taste a little better. But, examine them carefully. A lot of times, the markets will put the organic produce for sale because they are not in the best shape.
Winter veggies are no exception to this. There is less variety in the colder months, but there is still an endless assortment of recipes that can be made with them. Roots veggies are readily available and lend themselves to soups, stews, tarts, and a ton of side dishes. My husband and I are huge fans of squash and I made a recipe that can be altered to fit several diet types. The ingredients for this soup are cheap and you may already have most of them on hand.
Butternut squash soup
4 cups butternut squash, cut into small cubes
12 ounzes reduced sodium chicken stock (or veggie stock for vegan recipe)
1/2 cup milk (or coconut milk for vegan recipe)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon all spice
1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
Combine all in a large saucepan and cook, covered, on medium heat until the squash is mushy. Transfer the soup to a blender and blend until a smooth puree. Return to saucepan, reduce heat to med-low and cook for another 10 minutes, or until the soup has thickened slightly. Enjoy.
Notes:
1) The spices are all to taste. Play with them and find out what you like.
2) Most people prefer a slightly sweeter soup, but I do not. If you like things a little sweeter, add a little more brown sugar, but taste it first.
3) For a really decadent soup, you can replace the milk with half and half.
4) If you cannot find reduced sodium chicken stock, purchase regular, but do not add any salt to the soup. Once the soup is pureed, taste it and add more if needed.
Hope you guys like this soup as much as we do.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
glad we rent
I am obsessed with looking at homes for sale. Obsessed.
My husband and I are planning on relocating to Charleston, SC in the near future, so I spend a lot of time looking at homes for sale in the Charleston area. The difference in price between homes down there and homes on Long Island is staggering. I am currently in love with a 4 bedroom home, new construction, 2700 square feet, 3 full baths, hardwood floors, granite countertops, full deck, pool, in Summerville, SC that is listed at $210,000. The property taxes are $1200 a year. Are you fu@#ing kidding me?
I used to live in a town called Long Beach. Kick ass town. Great place if you are single, you surf, and you like to partake in libations. There was this super cute bungalow down the street from my first apartment in Long Beach. It was a 4 room place: 1 bedroom, 1 kitchen, 1 bathroom, and 1 living room. It was listed at $469,000 and the property taxes were $8900 a year. And. It. Sold. At that price! Can you imagine?
Granted, what I just gave was an extreme, albiet truthful, comparison. But, you get the picture. You do make significantly less money down south, but if you add it all up, you are still much better off financially down there.
Oh, and the weather kicks toukas.
But, a house is still a ways away for us. So, we rent. Sometimes, my husband and I get a little sad. We get that longing to own something, to have a yard that we can play with our daughter in. However, in the current market, we are pretty happy to be renters.
A lot of our friends purchsed their homes right before the housing market crashed. Now they owe more on their mortgages than their homes are worth. Now, if you were planning on hanging on to a new home for a long time, this might not be such a huge problem because, eventually,the market will rebound. But, most couples buying their first home, buy something called a starter home with the idea of donig some improvements and selling it in a few years. Those people are S.O.L. for the time being. In order to not take a huge loss, people have to hang on to homes for much longer than they had planned. Not fun.
Also, property taxes are on the rise. Always on the rise. It's getting to the point where sometimes the property tax is just a little less than the mortgage payment.
Utilities is another reason that renting is a good move for us. Our awesome landlords do not require us to pay utilities. Water, heat, electric, internet, cable, all included in our rent. Our last place has the same monthly rent, but we had to pay all utilities and that would be an extra $300 a month. And, if we were paying utilities during last winter or this past summer, it would have wound up being more than $300 a month. We get it all included and get to control the thermostat for the entire house to boot. Not bad for renting only the top floor of a house.
Maintenance. Haha. If the boiler breaks, we don't pay for it. If there are termites, we don't have to deal with it. We don't have to mow, or rake, or shovel. Instead, the landlord's nice teenage son does it all for us. It was nice last year. This year, it will be a huge bonus as I lug my daughter to the car after a snowstorm.
Finally, we are not locked into anything. We don't have a lease. But, for arguments sake, let's assume that we do. Breaking a lease is not in the same category as defaulting on a home loan. Yes, you may get a landlord that takes you to court for breaking the lease. Most landlords seem to settle as court is a pain in the ass. But if you default on a home loan, you are screwed. The house goes into foreclosure and you become a persona non grata in the world of home loans.
So, taken the fact that we are now one income, we feel great about being renters. For now, we will live in our awesome and cheap apartment, not having to do a damn thing for the house.
You know, it is a little chilly in here. I think I will turn up the heat.
My husband and I are planning on relocating to Charleston, SC in the near future, so I spend a lot of time looking at homes for sale in the Charleston area. The difference in price between homes down there and homes on Long Island is staggering. I am currently in love with a 4 bedroom home, new construction, 2700 square feet, 3 full baths, hardwood floors, granite countertops, full deck, pool, in Summerville, SC that is listed at $210,000. The property taxes are $1200 a year. Are you fu@#ing kidding me?
I used to live in a town called Long Beach. Kick ass town. Great place if you are single, you surf, and you like to partake in libations. There was this super cute bungalow down the street from my first apartment in Long Beach. It was a 4 room place: 1 bedroom, 1 kitchen, 1 bathroom, and 1 living room. It was listed at $469,000 and the property taxes were $8900 a year. And. It. Sold. At that price! Can you imagine?
Granted, what I just gave was an extreme, albiet truthful, comparison. But, you get the picture. You do make significantly less money down south, but if you add it all up, you are still much better off financially down there.
Oh, and the weather kicks toukas.
But, a house is still a ways away for us. So, we rent. Sometimes, my husband and I get a little sad. We get that longing to own something, to have a yard that we can play with our daughter in. However, in the current market, we are pretty happy to be renters.
A lot of our friends purchsed their homes right before the housing market crashed. Now they owe more on their mortgages than their homes are worth. Now, if you were planning on hanging on to a new home for a long time, this might not be such a huge problem because, eventually,the market will rebound. But, most couples buying their first home, buy something called a starter home with the idea of donig some improvements and selling it in a few years. Those people are S.O.L. for the time being. In order to not take a huge loss, people have to hang on to homes for much longer than they had planned. Not fun.
Also, property taxes are on the rise. Always on the rise. It's getting to the point where sometimes the property tax is just a little less than the mortgage payment.
Utilities is another reason that renting is a good move for us. Our awesome landlords do not require us to pay utilities. Water, heat, electric, internet, cable, all included in our rent. Our last place has the same monthly rent, but we had to pay all utilities and that would be an extra $300 a month. And, if we were paying utilities during last winter or this past summer, it would have wound up being more than $300 a month. We get it all included and get to control the thermostat for the entire house to boot. Not bad for renting only the top floor of a house.
Maintenance. Haha. If the boiler breaks, we don't pay for it. If there are termites, we don't have to deal with it. We don't have to mow, or rake, or shovel. Instead, the landlord's nice teenage son does it all for us. It was nice last year. This year, it will be a huge bonus as I lug my daughter to the car after a snowstorm.
Finally, we are not locked into anything. We don't have a lease. But, for arguments sake, let's assume that we do. Breaking a lease is not in the same category as defaulting on a home loan. Yes, you may get a landlord that takes you to court for breaking the lease. Most landlords seem to settle as court is a pain in the ass. But if you default on a home loan, you are screwed. The house goes into foreclosure and you become a persona non grata in the world of home loans.
So, taken the fact that we are now one income, we feel great about being renters. For now, we will live in our awesome and cheap apartment, not having to do a damn thing for the house.
You know, it is a little chilly in here. I think I will turn up the heat.
Monday, November 21, 2011
colic sucks
Let me start by describing what colic is not. It is not a baby that cries for an hour and stops and goes to sleep. It is not a baby that cries when he or she is hungry. It is really hard to not punch someone in the face when you tell them about your baby's extreme colic and they respond by saying that they know how you feel because their little angel took an hour to fall asleep. Any parent who has a child that has colic would kill if their child was just a fussy baby.
Colic is described in rules of 3:
1) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours
2) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours 3 or more times a week
3) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours 3 or more times a week for 3 or more weeks.
I am assuming that is the lowest level of colic there is because I would love for Evangeline to be that kind of colic.
Instead, we have a baby that cries/ screams pretty much every hour she is awake. This is an everyday thing and has been going on for two months now.
Colic is supposed to improve starting after 6-8 weeks of age. 'Most' babies get over their colic between 3-4 months. We are closing in on the 3 month mark and keeping our fingers crossed.
The reason colic sucks has very little to do with the baby. Babies that have colic have no residual issues from their colic. You don't see 13 year olds screaming for 5-7 hours a day for no reason. Babies do outgrow it. The real impact of colic is seen in the parents that have to deal with it.
Here is why colic sucks:
1) It makes you feel like a bad parent. Surely, the baby must by crying for a reason. What kind of parent does not know how to calm down their own child? What kind of parent cannot find the reason why their baby is screaming? There is very little that can make a person feel more inadequate than not being able to soothe your screaming baby.
2) It does a number on the parent's nerves and relationship. Babies scream because they need _______. They have no other forms of communication so evolution made their screams such that they would be heard. Babies' screams are jarring and upsetting and causes a very high level of stress. It also causes the parents to snap at each other, blame each other, curse at each other. We can't take out frustrations out on the baby, obviously; so, we take it out on each other. Just for shits and giggles...you want to test your marriage, agree to watch a baby with colic for one weekend.
3) It is very isolating. The first few weeks of parenthood, you are getting used to the exhaustion that comes with it and can't fathom the idea of socializing much. After 2-3 weeks, you kind of get used to it and are ready to rejoin the world of the living. Granted, you are not going to be going out to the bars every weekend, but you can certainly enjoy a nice night at a friend's house drinking a bottle of wine. Wrong. Colic prevents that. You can't bring the baby anywhere. Colic is not something that you subject others to, it is extremely upsetting. You can't have people over for the same reason. Also, it is impossible to have a simple conversation when a baby is screaming the entire time.
It also prevents things as simple as phone calls. Colic tends to be worse in the early to late evening hours. This is when people tend to call their friends and family as everyone is arriving home from work. Screaming children are not conducive to being able to talk on the phone.
So, please have patience if a friend or a family member has a colic baby. It is not that they don't want to talk or see you, they very likely are desperate to talk and see you, it is just that colic makes a social life an impossible task.
Colic sucks, it really does.
Colic is described in rules of 3:
1) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours
2) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours 3 or more times a week
3) Baby cries without obvious reason more than 3 hours 3 or more times a week for 3 or more weeks.
I am assuming that is the lowest level of colic there is because I would love for Evangeline to be that kind of colic.
Instead, we have a baby that cries/ screams pretty much every hour she is awake. This is an everyday thing and has been going on for two months now.
Colic is supposed to improve starting after 6-8 weeks of age. 'Most' babies get over their colic between 3-4 months. We are closing in on the 3 month mark and keeping our fingers crossed.
The reason colic sucks has very little to do with the baby. Babies that have colic have no residual issues from their colic. You don't see 13 year olds screaming for 5-7 hours a day for no reason. Babies do outgrow it. The real impact of colic is seen in the parents that have to deal with it.
Here is why colic sucks:
1) It makes you feel like a bad parent. Surely, the baby must by crying for a reason. What kind of parent does not know how to calm down their own child? What kind of parent cannot find the reason why their baby is screaming? There is very little that can make a person feel more inadequate than not being able to soothe your screaming baby.
2) It does a number on the parent's nerves and relationship. Babies scream because they need _______. They have no other forms of communication so evolution made their screams such that they would be heard. Babies' screams are jarring and upsetting and causes a very high level of stress. It also causes the parents to snap at each other, blame each other, curse at each other. We can't take out frustrations out on the baby, obviously; so, we take it out on each other. Just for shits and giggles...you want to test your marriage, agree to watch a baby with colic for one weekend.
3) It is very isolating. The first few weeks of parenthood, you are getting used to the exhaustion that comes with it and can't fathom the idea of socializing much. After 2-3 weeks, you kind of get used to it and are ready to rejoin the world of the living. Granted, you are not going to be going out to the bars every weekend, but you can certainly enjoy a nice night at a friend's house drinking a bottle of wine. Wrong. Colic prevents that. You can't bring the baby anywhere. Colic is not something that you subject others to, it is extremely upsetting. You can't have people over for the same reason. Also, it is impossible to have a simple conversation when a baby is screaming the entire time.
It also prevents things as simple as phone calls. Colic tends to be worse in the early to late evening hours. This is when people tend to call their friends and family as everyone is arriving home from work. Screaming children are not conducive to being able to talk on the phone.
So, please have patience if a friend or a family member has a colic baby. It is not that they don't want to talk or see you, they very likely are desperate to talk and see you, it is just that colic makes a social life an impossible task.
Colic sucks, it really does.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
babies are good for your arms (and your abs, your butt, and your thighs)
My daughter was 10lbs 9ozs at birth. To give you an idea of just how large that is for a baby, I give you this. Ultrasound machines give baby measurements, in utero, based on how large the average baby should be every week. Most ultrasound machines are designed to measure up to 42 weeks gestation. When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I had an ultrasound. Evangeline already measured off the charts. Literally, her belly was so big that it didn't fit on the screen. Statistically, less than 1% of babies are born at her size. She could have been full term twins. If you have ever seen a woman pregnant with full term twins (not that common as most women that have twins give birth early), you can guess what my belly looked like.
So it should come as no surprise that, at 2.5 months, she is already 13 lbs and growing. I have decided to use that to my advantage for as long as I can. Eventually, she will be too big for me to use her as exercise, so I need to get it in quick.
As my gym membership has become a victim of our bare-bones budget, I have to get creative with my fitness. I gained 40 lbs during pregnancy and have 8 more to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But, I don't want to stop there. It used to be really easy to go to the gym and get in a workout. Now, even if we could afford the gym, who the hell has the time? I am lucky if I have time to brush my hair everyday.
So combining playtime with the baby and getting in a workout...bazinga.
My new routine consists of Evi armlifts, Evi lunges, Evi buttlifts, and Evi ab twists. The armlifts are really similar to the type of routine that I would do with free weights. Oh, I didn't squeal and make funny faces when I did free weights, but Evangeline seems to really like squeals and weird faces.
For the lunges, I put Evangeline in my Ergo carrier and go to town. I do brace myself against the wall for extra support. Her safety is my number one.
The buttlifts are a little complicated. I lay flat on the ground and pull my knees up. I place her back against my thighs. Unlike traditional buttlifts where you lay your arms flat on the ground for balance, I hold her in place in my lap. Then, I thrust upwards.
Evi abtwists are also done using the Ergo. Once she is strapped in, I spread my legs so they are2-3 feet apart and squat down a little. Then I tighten my ab muscles (the pitifull and wrecked things they have become) and slowly twist from side to side.
Keep in my mind that playtime with Evangeline is my priority so I am talking with her, making squeals, and exaggerated moments the entire time. I would much rather have a happy baby than a good body; but, if I can combine playtime with activities that are beneficial to my waistline...bonus.
The 3rd best thing about these activities is that they are free. Baby, budget, and body friendly.
My guess is that if I combine these activities with walking her, I could be ready for next summer 20 lbs lower than I was when I got pregnant. That would make me a very happy girl. And, I get to play with my daughter and get her out for daily walks. Of course, in a few short weeks, we are going to become mall-walkers because NY winters are not known for being baby-friendly. I am just going to have to remember to leave my ATM card and credit card at home, or being a mall-walker could wind up being quite expensive.
So it should come as no surprise that, at 2.5 months, she is already 13 lbs and growing. I have decided to use that to my advantage for as long as I can. Eventually, she will be too big for me to use her as exercise, so I need to get it in quick.
As my gym membership has become a victim of our bare-bones budget, I have to get creative with my fitness. I gained 40 lbs during pregnancy and have 8 more to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But, I don't want to stop there. It used to be really easy to go to the gym and get in a workout. Now, even if we could afford the gym, who the hell has the time? I am lucky if I have time to brush my hair everyday.
So combining playtime with the baby and getting in a workout...bazinga.
My new routine consists of Evi armlifts, Evi lunges, Evi buttlifts, and Evi ab twists. The armlifts are really similar to the type of routine that I would do with free weights. Oh, I didn't squeal and make funny faces when I did free weights, but Evangeline seems to really like squeals and weird faces.
For the lunges, I put Evangeline in my Ergo carrier and go to town. I do brace myself against the wall for extra support. Her safety is my number one.
The buttlifts are a little complicated. I lay flat on the ground and pull my knees up. I place her back against my thighs. Unlike traditional buttlifts where you lay your arms flat on the ground for balance, I hold her in place in my lap. Then, I thrust upwards.
Evi abtwists are also done using the Ergo. Once she is strapped in, I spread my legs so they are2-3 feet apart and squat down a little. Then I tighten my ab muscles (the pitifull and wrecked things they have become) and slowly twist from side to side.
Keep in my mind that playtime with Evangeline is my priority so I am talking with her, making squeals, and exaggerated moments the entire time. I would much rather have a happy baby than a good body; but, if I can combine playtime with activities that are beneficial to my waistline...bonus.
The 3rd best thing about these activities is that they are free. Baby, budget, and body friendly.
My guess is that if I combine these activities with walking her, I could be ready for next summer 20 lbs lower than I was when I got pregnant. That would make me a very happy girl. And, I get to play with my daughter and get her out for daily walks. Of course, in a few short weeks, we are going to become mall-walkers because NY winters are not known for being baby-friendly. I am just going to have to remember to leave my ATM card and credit card at home, or being a mall-walker could wind up being quite expensive.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
can't look back now
The letter is in the mail. Tomorrow or the day after, my boss will recieve my letter of resignation. Immediately after putting the letter in the mailbox, a feeling of horror came over me. What did I do? I just quit a teaching job when it is impossible to get a teaching job (at least in NY). I just gave up a really nice salary. I am not tenured so I could not just extend my leave and take a year sabbatical. It was all or nothing. What the hell was I thinking?
Once that momentary panic subsided, I felt relief. I was so miserable in that job for so long. Now, I found the most important reason there is to quit a job. I am still nervous and I feel slightly unprepared for the challenges that living on one income will throw our way. But, I feel confident that we can weather the storm.
On a side note, today marks the longest stretch of time I have spent alone with my daughter. My husband usually gets home around 3:45 and we share baby duty until bedtime. During the night, my husband will get up for one feeding and I take care of the rest. However, my husband's school had parent/ teacher conferences tonight and he will not be home until 8:30 pm.
For most moms, this would only present a slight challenge. But my daughter is a special case. She has severe GERD and feeding her is a battle that takes up the overwhelming majority of my day. Sometimes a single 5 oz bottle will take 2 hours to get down her. She also has Torticollis and requires daily stretches that she despises. Oh, she also has a wicked case of colic. We are talking 5-7 hours of screaming, not crying, per day. Some days are better than others. Today was not such a day.
For days like this, Xanax is my best friend.
But even on her worst day, my daughter is amazing and I wouldn't trade her in for the quietest baby, the easiest feeder, the happiest and squishiest baby. She may be a pain in the butt, but she is my pain in the butt and I am so proud to be her mother.
Once that momentary panic subsided, I felt relief. I was so miserable in that job for so long. Now, I found the most important reason there is to quit a job. I am still nervous and I feel slightly unprepared for the challenges that living on one income will throw our way. But, I feel confident that we can weather the storm.
On a side note, today marks the longest stretch of time I have spent alone with my daughter. My husband usually gets home around 3:45 and we share baby duty until bedtime. During the night, my husband will get up for one feeding and I take care of the rest. However, my husband's school had parent/ teacher conferences tonight and he will not be home until 8:30 pm.
For most moms, this would only present a slight challenge. But my daughter is a special case. She has severe GERD and feeding her is a battle that takes up the overwhelming majority of my day. Sometimes a single 5 oz bottle will take 2 hours to get down her. She also has Torticollis and requires daily stretches that she despises. Oh, she also has a wicked case of colic. We are talking 5-7 hours of screaming, not crying, per day. Some days are better than others. Today was not such a day.
For days like this, Xanax is my best friend.
But even on her worst day, my daughter is amazing and I wouldn't trade her in for the quietest baby, the easiest feeder, the happiest and squishiest baby. She may be a pain in the butt, but she is my pain in the butt and I am so proud to be her mother.
Monday, November 14, 2011
the big decision has been made
Today is the first day of my life as a stay at home mom. My daughter Evangeline was born on August 30, 2011 and I have been out on maternity leave since. After doing some numbers crunching, my husband and I decided that it was not really worth it for me to go back towork. All I need to do is put my letter of resignation in the mail tomorrow and it is done.
I am excited. I relish the thought of being the person to see my daughter's first steps and hear her say 'dada'.
Daycare has become an unfortunate necessity for so many and that was our plan. It is going to be unbelievably hard to make it on one salary, but I am determined to hustle to make it work. Tutoring, check; babysitting, check; part time evening work, check. I have an A.A, a B.A., and an M.S. and I will take any part time job to make this work.
I am scared. There is the lingering doubt that money will become too tight, that a bill will come up that we can't pay, that the fights over money will become too nasty. But, we discussed this. We have a sizeable savings that is for a down payment for a home. If we have to dip into that, we will. We hope to not have to, but we will if the need arises.
So, this is my little blog. I hope to learn all about the art of doing things on the cheap. Sundays are now going to be for clipping coupons and checking out sales, our clothes are going to have to last us. See that fancy beer my baby is holding? That will be replaced with Budweiser. Generic all the way, baby. If I learn any cool money saving tips, I will pass it on. If I create yummy recipes using cheapo ingredients, I will pass it on.
You might read me bitching from time to time. A) I like to bitch about things B) I am still trying to figure it all out.
But at the end of the day, Evangeline is what matters and it is more important to us that one of us spends her first year of life with her than the rather extravagent way we have been living.
-Marissa
I am excited. I relish the thought of being the person to see my daughter's first steps and hear her say 'dada'.
Daycare has become an unfortunate necessity for so many and that was our plan. It is going to be unbelievably hard to make it on one salary, but I am determined to hustle to make it work. Tutoring, check; babysitting, check; part time evening work, check. I have an A.A, a B.A., and an M.S. and I will take any part time job to make this work.
I am scared. There is the lingering doubt that money will become too tight, that a bill will come up that we can't pay, that the fights over money will become too nasty. But, we discussed this. We have a sizeable savings that is for a down payment for a home. If we have to dip into that, we will. We hope to not have to, but we will if the need arises.
So, this is my little blog. I hope to learn all about the art of doing things on the cheap. Sundays are now going to be for clipping coupons and checking out sales, our clothes are going to have to last us. See that fancy beer my baby is holding? That will be replaced with Budweiser. Generic all the way, baby. If I learn any cool money saving tips, I will pass it on. If I create yummy recipes using cheapo ingredients, I will pass it on.
You might read me bitching from time to time. A) I like to bitch about things B) I am still trying to figure it all out.
But at the end of the day, Evangeline is what matters and it is more important to us that one of us spends her first year of life with her than the rather extravagent way we have been living.
-Marissa
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