The last 4 years have been somewhat of a whirlwind.
I met my husband in March of 2008. We both knew the relationship was going to result in a marriage after only a few months and we fell into a routine right away. We moved in together in May of 2009. We got engaged in September of 2009. We were married in July of 2010 and got pregnant in December 2010. We had our daughter in August of 2011. That is a lot in a short amount of time.
Sometimes, when I get nostalgic, I think about my life before. Before my daughter, before my marriage, before meeting Alex.
Before my daughter was born, Alex and I did what we wanted, when we wanted. Money was not something that we really thought about. All we really had to worry about was our few bills and our rent. It was easy peasy. We didn't go out a lot. We were more content to just hang out together. Also, I think I hit a wall when I turned 30, I just cannot stay up past 11 or 12. But, if we wanted to go out, we could, without a second thought. We also hung out with friends more often. I never understood why it is so hard to see friends with children. Now, I get it. Babies are exhausting and, after a day of cleaning, feeding babies, holding them, changing them, playing with them, getting dinner ready, putting the babies to sleep...who has the energy. Especially since, let's say you go out at get home at 11pm, your baby will be up at 1:30am crying for a bottle. Hanging out is tough to do.
Before my marriage, there was a sense of freedom that goes away with marriage. I don't mean it in a negative way. It was like Alex and I were on this adventure without any responsibility. Yes, we were together, but we were still living our own lives. Ultimately, he did what he wanted and I did what I wanted. Once we made the commitment to get married, we had to view things as an 'us' or a 'we'. Before, if I wanted to go on a trip with a girlfriend, I did not have to check with Alex. I would spend my money and pack my suitcase at my apartment. But, once we married, it became our money.
Before meeting Alex, I went out. I went out a lot. I drank. I could stay up until 4 am. I lived in a town called Long Beach, which has a well-deserved and well-earned reputation as being the surfing destination on Long Island, as well as, a party town. It is a great place for singles. Hell, my friends and I would go out several times a week, as every bar had different theme nights, and everything was within walking distance. On the rare nights where I stayed in, I could open a bottle of red wine, get in my pjs, and watch whatever I wanted on the tv. I could flirt with every guy I met. My life was a big party that didn't end and I loved it.
I write this not having gone 'out' out in 13 months. I have not stayed up past midnight for any other reason than my daughter or my pregnancy in 13 months. I can't remember the last time I went to a bar. Our Friday and Saturday nights usually consist of watching some tv after our daughter goes to sleep and being in bed by 10pm or so. Quite often, we will split a bottle of wine. There is very little excitement and a lot of predictability.
But, I wouldn't trade my ho-hum little life for anything. There is no place else I would rather be than at home watching tv with my husband and seeing my baby sleep. For, despite the mundane day to day, I feel like my life now is the more adventurous than my life before.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
she can be fun
So, Alex and I put in our dues. For 3.5 months, our baby screamed and yelled and puked and wouldn't sleep and was pissed off all the time.
Then, something happened. Or rather a few things happened. The first was that her colic started getting less and less until the only time that you could tell that she was a colic baby is around naptime/ sleeptime. Second, her digestive system matured. Third, she became a little person with a personality. Fourth, she began to smile all the time.
I wrote a post about how horrid colic is. But, I think it is impossible to understand unless you have had a colic baby as there is no comparison that can be made between the fits of a colic baby and the fits of a non-colic baby. Thankfully, her colic is all but gone. She is still very hard to get to bed and fights sleep like it is her job. And then I think about where she is now and where she was 2 months ago and how much she has improved and I don't stay frustrated. Plus, all she really wants when she has her before-sleep fits is for Alex or I to cuddle her and not put her down. Kind of flattering, in a way.
An important step in the process for her was the abating of her GERD. At her worst, she stopped eating and had a stay in the hospital. She had a very severe case of GERD and feeding her was a nightmare. But, with time, her digestive system matured and she stopped projectile vomiting and she started eating without screaming and arching her back in pain. Now, she gets excited to eat and tries to hold the bottle herself. She has not vomited in quite some time and hasn't screamed or arched her back from the pain of GERD in 2 months or so. In fact, we started her on oatmeal 3 days ago. This is not for nutrition, as babies do not need any other nutrition than formula or breastmilk at this point. Rather, it is for babies to learn the mechanics of eating. I will be honest and admit that she is not having trouble with the oatmeal, but I don't think she likes it much. If it weren't for her having had so much trouble with the mechanics of drinking her bottle that she likely needs a lot of practice with the mechanics of eating, I would wait until she was 6 months old.
Because her digestive system is so much better, our pediatrician made the call to take the baby off her medication. She had been on Axid for her GERD since she was 6 weeks old. Neither Alex nor myslef wanted her on meds this young, but I was nervous to take her off them. Why rock the boat when things have been going so well? But, she can't be on them forever and all signs point to her digestive system being able to handle being off the Axid. Three days in and so far, so good. The jury is still out though. Talk to me another few weeks.
My daughter has an awesome little personality. She is funny, really funny. I know all mothers think their children are funny. They are wrong, I am right. She is hysterical. She also is very opinionated. She knows what she wants and she will make it very clear that she wants it. She has different looks, coos, smiles, and cries for Alex and I. She has him wrapped around her little finger. Well, she has me wrapped around it too. She is impatient and she wants nothing more than to be walking around, exploring the world. She touched everything, shoves everything she can in her mouth. This is a time of exploration and learning for her and Alex and I are loving being able to witness this.
And her smiles!!! She has the prettiest smile. When she first sees us in the morning, she beams and laughs. When she wakes up from her naps, she gives us shy smiles. When she is playing with her toys or in her jumper, she smiles and laughs, but she is not smiling for Alex or I, she is smiling for herself. I could be having the worst day and she smiles and I melt into a little puddle of goo.
The change in her has been nothing short of amazing. There were times when Alex and I thought she would never be a happy baby, that she would always be in pain and pissed and colicky. And now she is happy and I don't think there can be any greater joy for parents than a happy and healthy baby.
Then, something happened. Or rather a few things happened. The first was that her colic started getting less and less until the only time that you could tell that she was a colic baby is around naptime/ sleeptime. Second, her digestive system matured. Third, she became a little person with a personality. Fourth, she began to smile all the time.
I wrote a post about how horrid colic is. But, I think it is impossible to understand unless you have had a colic baby as there is no comparison that can be made between the fits of a colic baby and the fits of a non-colic baby. Thankfully, her colic is all but gone. She is still very hard to get to bed and fights sleep like it is her job. And then I think about where she is now and where she was 2 months ago and how much she has improved and I don't stay frustrated. Plus, all she really wants when she has her before-sleep fits is for Alex or I to cuddle her and not put her down. Kind of flattering, in a way.
An important step in the process for her was the abating of her GERD. At her worst, she stopped eating and had a stay in the hospital. She had a very severe case of GERD and feeding her was a nightmare. But, with time, her digestive system matured and she stopped projectile vomiting and she started eating without screaming and arching her back in pain. Now, she gets excited to eat and tries to hold the bottle herself. She has not vomited in quite some time and hasn't screamed or arched her back from the pain of GERD in 2 months or so. In fact, we started her on oatmeal 3 days ago. This is not for nutrition, as babies do not need any other nutrition than formula or breastmilk at this point. Rather, it is for babies to learn the mechanics of eating. I will be honest and admit that she is not having trouble with the oatmeal, but I don't think she likes it much. If it weren't for her having had so much trouble with the mechanics of drinking her bottle that she likely needs a lot of practice with the mechanics of eating, I would wait until she was 6 months old.
Because her digestive system is so much better, our pediatrician made the call to take the baby off her medication. She had been on Axid for her GERD since she was 6 weeks old. Neither Alex nor myslef wanted her on meds this young, but I was nervous to take her off them. Why rock the boat when things have been going so well? But, she can't be on them forever and all signs point to her digestive system being able to handle being off the Axid. Three days in and so far, so good. The jury is still out though. Talk to me another few weeks.
My daughter has an awesome little personality. She is funny, really funny. I know all mothers think their children are funny. They are wrong, I am right. She is hysterical. She also is very opinionated. She knows what she wants and she will make it very clear that she wants it. She has different looks, coos, smiles, and cries for Alex and I. She has him wrapped around her little finger. Well, she has me wrapped around it too. She is impatient and she wants nothing more than to be walking around, exploring the world. She touched everything, shoves everything she can in her mouth. This is a time of exploration and learning for her and Alex and I are loving being able to witness this.
And her smiles!!! She has the prettiest smile. When she first sees us in the morning, she beams and laughs. When she wakes up from her naps, she gives us shy smiles. When she is playing with her toys or in her jumper, she smiles and laughs, but she is not smiling for Alex or I, she is smiling for herself. I could be having the worst day and she smiles and I melt into a little puddle of goo.
The change in her has been nothing short of amazing. There were times when Alex and I thought she would never be a happy baby, that she would always be in pain and pissed and colicky. And now she is happy and I don't think there can be any greater joy for parents than a happy and healthy baby.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
damned if you do, damned if you don't
People love to give advice, regardless of whether or not it was asked for.
It started with pregnancy. Apparently, being pregnant is akin to holding up an 'open season' sign. I was advised to get a c-section, they are cleaner and you know exactly when the baby is coming. I was advised to go natural, it was healthiest for mother and child. I was advised to get an epidural, only crazy people want to feel that pain. I was advised on how to prevent stretch marks. I was advised on ways to kickstart labor. I was told I was too big. I was told to go on a diet. I was told that a glass of red wine a day would make my baby calmer. I took it all and smiled. The fact is, you can't argue with people about their beliefs regarding pregnancy. It is a fruitless endeavor.
For what it is worth, I had a c-section because my baby was almost 11 pounds. I used many types of lotions and oils and my stomach looked like a deflated balloon with so many stretch marks my stomach could pass for a topographical map of the Rocky Mountains.
Naively, I thought that once I had the baby, this would end. Hells to the no!! It got worse. The cockamaimy bullshit that people spout when it comes to babies is hysterical and shocking. Breastfeeding is for the birds, formula feeding makes you a bad mom. Babies should sleep in 75 degree rooms, babies should sleep in 65 degree rooms. Don't pick up your crying month old baby, she'll be spoiled. The tv makes a great babysitter. Giving a paci makes you a bad mother, not giving a paci makes you a stupid mother. Do not let the baby sleep in the bed with you. Do not let the baby sleep in the swing. Let your baby cry herself to sleep. Don't let your baby cry herself to sleep. The baby should be eating solids by now, the baby shouldn't be eating solids yet.
My personal favorites come from the old biddies. Why do you have the baby out without a hat (this was in late September on a 75 degree day). I don't like your baby's name, you should call her something else. And, drumroll, "You need to put your baby on a diet, she's too fat." She was 7 weeks old at that point.
The point is, no matter what you do, no matter how you choose to raise your baby, there is always going to be someone waiting in the wings to tell you that you are doing it wrong. There will always be someone there to tell you that all their children turned out great, so you should ignore the information that doctors have learned since said children were babies, cause "they all turned out fine".
I have come to the conclusion that I will be only listening to my pediatrician, my husband, my babies cues, and my mommy instincts. For the rest, I will smile vacantly and nod as though I am listening to the unsolicated advice being given and mentally transport myself somewhere else.
It started with pregnancy. Apparently, being pregnant is akin to holding up an 'open season' sign. I was advised to get a c-section, they are cleaner and you know exactly when the baby is coming. I was advised to go natural, it was healthiest for mother and child. I was advised to get an epidural, only crazy people want to feel that pain. I was advised on how to prevent stretch marks. I was advised on ways to kickstart labor. I was told I was too big. I was told to go on a diet. I was told that a glass of red wine a day would make my baby calmer. I took it all and smiled. The fact is, you can't argue with people about their beliefs regarding pregnancy. It is a fruitless endeavor.
For what it is worth, I had a c-section because my baby was almost 11 pounds. I used many types of lotions and oils and my stomach looked like a deflated balloon with so many stretch marks my stomach could pass for a topographical map of the Rocky Mountains.
Naively, I thought that once I had the baby, this would end. Hells to the no!! It got worse. The cockamaimy bullshit that people spout when it comes to babies is hysterical and shocking. Breastfeeding is for the birds, formula feeding makes you a bad mom. Babies should sleep in 75 degree rooms, babies should sleep in 65 degree rooms. Don't pick up your crying month old baby, she'll be spoiled. The tv makes a great babysitter. Giving a paci makes you a bad mother, not giving a paci makes you a stupid mother. Do not let the baby sleep in the bed with you. Do not let the baby sleep in the swing. Let your baby cry herself to sleep. Don't let your baby cry herself to sleep. The baby should be eating solids by now, the baby shouldn't be eating solids yet.
My personal favorites come from the old biddies. Why do you have the baby out without a hat (this was in late September on a 75 degree day). I don't like your baby's name, you should call her something else. And, drumroll, "You need to put your baby on a diet, she's too fat." She was 7 weeks old at that point.
The point is, no matter what you do, no matter how you choose to raise your baby, there is always going to be someone waiting in the wings to tell you that you are doing it wrong. There will always be someone there to tell you that all their children turned out great, so you should ignore the information that doctors have learned since said children were babies, cause "they all turned out fine".
I have come to the conclusion that I will be only listening to my pediatrician, my husband, my babies cues, and my mommy instincts. For the rest, I will smile vacantly and nod as though I am listening to the unsolicated advice being given and mentally transport myself somewhere else.
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