before and after

The last 4 years have been somewhat of a whirlwind.

I met my husband in March of 2008. We both knew the relationship was going to result in a marriage after only a few months and we fell into a routine right away. We moved in together in May of 2009. We got engaged in September of 2009. We were married in July of 2010 and got pregnant in December 2010. We had our daughter in August of 2011. That is a lot in a short amount of time.

Sometimes, when I get nostalgic, I think about my life before. Before my daughter, before my marriage, before meeting Alex.

Before my daughter was born, Alex and I did what we wanted, when we wanted. Money was not something that we really thought about. All we really had to worry about was our few bills and our rent. It was easy peasy. We didn't go out a lot. We were more content to just hang out together. Also, I think I hit a wall when I turned 30, I just cannot stay up past 11 or 12. But, if we wanted to go out, we could, without a second thought. We also hung out with friends more often. I never understood why it is so hard to see friends with children. Now, I get it. Babies are exhausting and, after a day of cleaning, feeding babies, holding them, changing them, playing with them, getting dinner ready, putting the babies to sleep...who has the energy. Especially since, let's say you go out at get home at 11pm, your baby will be up at 1:30am crying for a bottle. Hanging out is tough to do.

Before my marriage, there was a sense of freedom that goes away with marriage. I don't mean it in a negative way. It was like Alex and I were on this adventure without any responsibility. Yes, we were together, but we were still living our own lives. Ultimately, he did what he wanted and I did what I wanted. Once we made the commitment to get married, we had to view things as an 'us' or a 'we'. Before, if I wanted to go on a trip with a girlfriend, I did not have to check with Alex. I would spend my money and pack my suitcase at my apartment. But, once we married, it became our money.

Before meeting Alex, I went out. I went out a lot. I drank. I could stay up until 4 am. I lived in a town called Long Beach, which has a well-deserved and well-earned reputation as being the surfing destination on Long Island, as well as, a party town. It is a great place for singles. Hell, my friends and I would go out several times a week, as every bar had different theme nights, and everything was within walking distance. On the rare nights where I stayed in, I could open a bottle of red wine, get in my pjs, and watch whatever I wanted on the tv. I could flirt with every guy I met. My life was a big party that didn't end and I loved it.

I write this not having gone 'out' out in 13 months. I have not stayed up past midnight for any other reason than my daughter or my pregnancy in 13 months. I can't remember the last time I went to a bar. Our Friday and Saturday nights usually consist of watching some tv after our daughter goes to sleep and being in bed by 10pm or so. Quite often, we will split a bottle of wine. There is very little excitement and a lot of predictability.

But, I wouldn't trade my ho-hum little life for anything. There is no place else I would rather be than at home watching tv with my husband and seeing my baby sleep. For, despite the mundane day to day, I feel like my life now is the more adventurous than my life before.