damned if you do, damned if you don't

People love to give advice, regardless of whether or not it was asked for.

It started with pregnancy. Apparently, being pregnant is akin to holding up an 'open season' sign. I was advised to get a c-section, they are cleaner and you know exactly when the baby is coming. I was advised to go natural, it was healthiest for mother and child. I was advised to get an epidural, only crazy people want to feel that pain. I was advised on how to prevent stretch marks. I was advised on ways to kickstart labor. I was told I was too big. I was told to go on a diet. I was told that a glass of red wine a day would make my baby calmer. I took it all and smiled. The fact is, you can't argue with people about their beliefs regarding pregnancy. It is a fruitless endeavor.

For what it is worth, I had a c-section because my baby was almost 11 pounds. I used many types of lotions and oils and my stomach looked like a deflated balloon with so many stretch marks my stomach could pass for a topographical map of the Rocky Mountains.

Naively, I thought that once I had the baby, this would end. Hells to the no!! It got worse. The cockamaimy bullshit that people spout when it comes to babies is hysterical and shocking. Breastfeeding is for the birds, formula feeding makes you a bad mom. Babies should sleep in 75 degree rooms, babies should sleep in 65 degree rooms. Don't pick up your crying month old baby, she'll be spoiled. The tv makes a great babysitter. Giving a paci makes you a bad mother, not giving a paci makes you a stupid mother. Do not let the baby sleep in the bed with you. Do not let the baby sleep in the swing. Let your baby cry herself to sleep. Don't let your baby cry herself to sleep. The baby should be eating solids by now, the baby shouldn't be eating solids yet.

My personal favorites come from the old biddies. Why do you have the baby out without a hat (this was in late September on a 75 degree day). I don't like your baby's name, you should call her something else. And, drumroll, "You need to put your baby on a diet, she's too fat." She was 7 weeks old at that point.

The point is, no matter what you do, no matter how you choose to raise your baby, there is always going to be someone waiting in the wings to tell you that you are doing it wrong. There will always be someone there to tell you that all their children turned out great, so you should ignore the information that doctors have learned since said children were babies, cause "they all turned out fine".

I have come to the conclusion that I will be only listening to my pediatrician, my husband, my babies cues, and my mommy instincts. For the rest, I will smile vacantly and nod as though I am listening to the unsolicated advice being given and mentally transport myself somewhere else.