a whole new world

We recently started Evangeline on solids. This has proven to be a very interesting endeavor. And by interesting, I mean it pretty much sucks ass.

I make her food as I don't want any chemicals, hormones, preservatives, etc. going into her little body. You would think that Gerber Peaches have pureed peaches and water. You'd be wrong. There are some hard-to-pronounce things in that ingredients list. It is not just the additional ingredients in pre-made baby food I worry about. I also do not want the food I make to be covered in pesticides. Luckily the USDA has a list of fruits/ veggies (which is all Evangeline eats now) that homemade food makers can use as a reference for buying organic. While I would love to buy all organic, it is really expensive, so I stick to buying the following produce items as organic (or will buy them once Evangeline is old enough to eat them):

1) peaches, 2) apples, 3) bell peppers, 4) celery, 5) nectarines, 6) blueberries, 7) strawberries, 8) cherries, 9) kale, 10) potatoes, 11) imported grapes, 12) spinach.

These 11 items consistently have the highest pesticide content as measured by the USDA.

Of course, once Evangeline starts eating dairy and meats, my list of organic-only items will dramatically increase.

So, the way you make food is easy. You wash, peel, steam, and puree. It is done. We bought those ice cube trays with a lid to freeze and store the baby food. Easy peasy.

Here is what is not easy: feeding her the food and dealing with the poop.

Evangeline is 6 months old today, she likes to grab things, hit things away, reach for things that are not close by, and she just loves putting every single thing she can get her hands on in her mouth. So, while I try to feed her, she grabs the spoons and waves it around. This is really cute, unless there is food on the spoon, then it just sucks. Every third, or so, spoonful gets batted away as she brings her hand down to hit the spoon away. Cue the flying pureed squash.

She also likes to reach for the little dish that holds her food. I try to keep it out of her reach, but sometimes I forget. She waits for me to forget and makes a grab for it, sticking her fingers in the bowl and then touching her hair, her clothes, her highchair, my hair, my clothes, the cats, her toys, etc. But, let's just say that I am able to successfully get half of the food into her mouth, there is still the bib to deal with. She loves picking up her bib and sucking on it. But, when it is covered with pureed veggies, her face just becomes a sheen of yams or squash.

In other words, solids are messy business.

Speaking of business, solids make poop and the act of pooping a nightmare. Formula and breastmilk poops are easy. They are really soft and don't smell that bad. Solids poops are pastey and smell awful. But the worst part is the constipation. My God!! Baby girl is having such a tough time with it. She cries in so much pain and Alex and I have to help her pass her poop. I will not get into how that works. Pears and prunes help a lot in that department, but it is heartbreaking to see your baby in pain from constipation. I am really hoping that her digestive system gets used to solid food soon, so she doesn't have to experience too many more bouts of constipation.

I will say that it is really cute to see her trying new foods. Her formula is nas-tay!! So, everytime she experiences a new flavor, you can see her wonder and her shock. We have been videotaping the first time she tries a new food and it is a trip to see her reaction to real flavors. We have tried:
1) Oatmeal- no strong reaction to it
2) Pears- she likes a lot
3) Yams- she eats them, but does not get excited
4) Squash- she loves very much
5) Prunes- seems to like
6) Apples- not a fan...at all

Tomorrow we try carrots.

Torticollis...and baby girl's first crush

Torticollis is a condition that involves the neck muscles. There are several types and several reasons why people get Torticollis. A person can develop Torticollis at any time. Some people are born with it. That type of Torticollis is called Congenital Muscular Torticollis.

This is what Evangeline has. Due to her size in utero, and the fact that I have a really short torso, she was squished up. The working theory is that she spent the third trimester with her head completely bent and that caused trauma to her neck muscle. She was born with her head tilting to one side.

We thought it was so cute that she posed for us *feel free to roll your eyes here* and didn't even know her tilt was a problem until our pediatrician told us that she has this thing called Torticollis. Even knowing that she had this neck thing, we didn't have the luxury to focus on dealing with it because she had more serious and pressing issues that needed to be dealt with.

Once everything else cleared up and we had a happy baby that didn't scream her every waking hour, we could focus on her Torticollis. We had Early Intervention come evaluate her to see if she qualified for P/T because there was some concern that she had and would have future delays in Gross Motor Skills due to her condition. The reason for this concern was those stupid milestones that babies are supposed to achieve each month. I tend to not put much stock in them, as babies don't know when they are supposed to do things and there is such a wide range of age for babies to do these milestones anyway.

Milestones are great for insecure mompetitors, so they can brag about how their 2 month old is "gifted" because they roll at 2 months. Um, not "gifted", just average, sorry.

So, the EI evaluators came and put her through a battery of tests. Ultimately, they determined that she is not delayed and did not qualify for EI services. However, they did confirm a 10-15 degree head tilt and advised us to look into private P/T.

We took their advice and have had two session with a P/T that focuses on babies with Torticollis. The treatment is going to be stretching exercises and P/T for the next 3 months. Once the 3 months have passed, we will evaluate where she is and if P/T is still needed.

Her daily regimen consists of 4 stretches that are designed to stretch out the left side of her neck, where the trauma to her neck muscle occured and to strengthen the right right side of her neck, which is weaker than it should be.

Poor baby girl hates it. Unfortunately, we have to do 4 sets of 4 stretches, 10 reps each set, 20 seconds each rep. It sucks, you can see how uncomfortable she is, but it is helping. We have noticed a definite difference in her head range of motion and in her tilt. That makes her tears bearable. In a few months, her Torticollis will be a thing of the past and she is young enough that she won't remember that the same stretches that hurt her were the reason that her head is on straight.

One of the side effects of Torticollis is plagiocephaly, otherwise known as flat head. Because it is not comfortable for her to put her head in certain positions, she sleeps the same way every night and every nap. that is causing a flat spot on her head. She may need to wear a helmet to correct it. That will be determined at her appointment with the Orthotist on 2/29.  I'll let you know how that goes.

Now, something really cute has happened because of the stretches. As I said, she hates the stretches and cries through them. Alex and I had a mission to distract her, to mesmerize her, to (dare I say) make her forget that her muscles were being stretched out.

Thank you Sesame Street! Thank you youtube! We started showing her clips of Sesame Street songs and she quickly developed favorites. Elmo fascinates her and she likes any songs that involve Elmo and celebrity guests singing together. It helps her tolerate the stretches.

There is one Sesame Street guest that she adores above all others. She shakes when he pops up on the computer screen, she kicks her legs and makes cooing noises. She has developed her first crush.

Her crush is Mr. Jason Mraz. Yes, Evangeline loves every note he sings, every twang from his guitar. She will not take her eyes off of him. I am not ashamed to say that I share this crush with her. What can I say, my daughter has good taste.

Just to test it out and make sure that her crush is on him and not the song, I had her watch other youtube videos of his songs and she is in LOVE with him. It is really cute, but I think Alex is already projecting 13 years into the future when she starts getting interested in real boys.

But if Jason Mraz can get her to tolerate her exercises, he will just have to deal with her little crush.

a true conversation courtesy of the West Indian man that pumps gas

I spent a few hours today at the mechanics. Our Toyota 4Runner needs: a water pump, timing belt, radiator, some hoses and such. To the tune of $1540. That hurts...a lot. Also, I had to wait until Alex got home from work to be able to leave the mechanic. I did have the stroller with me, but I had to take the base of the car seat out of the 4Runner and could not walk home it. So, I had to wait there for Alex. Not the best way to spend an afternoon.

But, I need to relay the conversation that I had in the waiting area. Evangeline and I were playing and she was looking all around with big bright eyes. Now, she was wearing a pink romper that said 'mommy's little girl' and I kept repeating things like 'who is mommy good little girl' and 'what is my baby girl looking at'. I am not one of those moms that gets upset if a stranger calls Evangeline a boy, but c'mon now.

I fully support people's right to cross-dress, but I would never push that my baby.

Getting back to it, we were just minding our own business when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there was a man looking at us. He was an employee and seemed harmless, his lips curled into that smile that I had never seen before having Evangeline. It was the smile of someone that had experienced sleepless nights and diaper changes and teething. It was the smile of a parent.

He walked over to us and said...something. I couldn't understand him, he had a really strong accent, possibly Jamaican. I said "Sorry?" He repeated himself, okay definitely sounded like a West Indies accent, and he mentioned the baby and the word 'old', so I just decided that he had asked how old the baby was.

"5 and a half months" I replied.
"How can she be 5 and a half months?" he asked.
"Um, she is 5 months and 13 days old, so it is easier to say 5 and a half months." I answered.
"You are wrong, she is not 5 and a half months."

Um, what??

He went on to explain that babies' age should be counted from the moment of conception, so she should be 14.5 months. I thought this was strange, but I smiled and nodded.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and he spoke again.

Him: "Do you have him a bottle?"
Me: "Yes, I have a bottle for her."
Him: "Is it the goat milk?"
Me: "Nope, it is her specialty formula."
Him: " Why is it not goat milk?"

Now, I have known a lot of people with babies, and not a one has given their infant goat milk. It is either breastmilk or formula for the first year. Really, I probably only know a handful of adults that have drank goat milk.

I explained to him that she has a crappy stomach and needs a special formula and can't handle milk proteins. He nodded and went silent again. Shortly after this, a car pulled up to get gas, so the man walked out (it is a full service station).

He walks back in.

Him: "So he has a bad stomach?"
Me: "Yes, she does?"
Him: "The baby is a girl?"
Me: "Yes, she is. her name is Evangeline."
Him: "Angelina? That is pretty."
Me: "Evangeline."
Him: "Evang...that is not a name."
Me: "Well it is her name."
Him "Oh."
He looks at me with squinted eyes.
Him: "I do not like that name, Ruby is a pretty name."

I nodded and did not hide my annoyance. I went back to playing with my daughter and the time flew by.

I saw him one more time before I left. He came back over and said "Good moms give their babies goat milk and name them pretty names. But your baby is fat and healthy, so you must be doing something right."

Gee, um, thanks?

the golden age and tolerance levels

So much happens in such a short time.

When my daughter was a month old, she spent her time eating, crying, pooping, puking, and sleeping.

When she was 2 months old, she spent her time eating, crying, pooping, puking, sleeping, and screaming.

When she was 3 months old, she spent her time eating, crying, pooping, puking, sleeping, screaming, holding her head up, and looking at things.

When she was 4 months old, she spent her time eating, crying a little, sleeping, holding her head up, looking at things, playing in her jumperoo, pooping, smiling, reaching for toys, petting the cats, and trying to hold her bottle.

She is now 5 months and 6 days old. She sits up for a few minutes at a time, She loves grabbing her toes when her legs are in the air. She gets a good grip on her bottle, but hasn't figured out how to get it in her mouth yet. She has gotten really good at picking things up, even very small things. She has 2 teeth. She can stand with very little assistance.

I was aware that the time period from 5-7 months is known aas the golden age of infancy and now I know why. It is the most amazing thing. You can actually see her learning and figuring things out. She notices everything, has developed her own opinions about items she comes in contact with everyday. She has preferred toys, toys she shuns, she likes watching our boy cat better than the girl cat, but she prefers petting the girl cat over the boy cat.

She is changing daily, time is flying by and it makes me a little sad. Before Alex and I know it, she will be graduating from high school and I feel like there is no way to capture every little moment and I worry that I may forget the little things that I love so much. Even though I write down a lot of it, I will forget how I feel during those special moments. It is one thing to read that I loved when she licks my shoulders, it is quite another thing to feel that love when she does it.

On a completely unrelated note, I have to put down in writing what motherhood has done to my tolerance levels. I have a deep well of patience for babies. After dealing with colic, I am fairly confident that my patience for babies is virtually inextinguishable. My tolerance levels for everyone else...not so much.

I am having a much harder time dealing with other's bullshit. I have always been fairly headstrong and I am not shy in stating my opinions. But, I could listen to people prattle on about really silly things without batting an eyelash. I recall, with great clarity, a 4 hour lunch where I had to listen to a former friend talk about how she couldn't understand why she had a rep for being promiscuous while talking about the random guy she had shtooped the night before. I, of course, gave the right sympathizing words to her. "Nobody thinks you are slutty", "You are a single woman that can do what she wants to do", "I totally think that guy from last night will call you".

Now, I would tell that friend that she is a dumbass and needs to close her legs. I just don't have that tolerance for people anymore. People get hung up over the dumbest things, things that are of no actual consequence. Get over it and get over yourself. And if you can't do that, keep that stupid shit to yourself, I don't want to hear it.

before and after

The last 4 years have been somewhat of a whirlwind.

I met my husband in March of 2008. We both knew the relationship was going to result in a marriage after only a few months and we fell into a routine right away. We moved in together in May of 2009. We got engaged in September of 2009. We were married in July of 2010 and got pregnant in December 2010. We had our daughter in August of 2011. That is a lot in a short amount of time.

Sometimes, when I get nostalgic, I think about my life before. Before my daughter, before my marriage, before meeting Alex.

Before my daughter was born, Alex and I did what we wanted, when we wanted. Money was not something that we really thought about. All we really had to worry about was our few bills and our rent. It was easy peasy. We didn't go out a lot. We were more content to just hang out together. Also, I think I hit a wall when I turned 30, I just cannot stay up past 11 or 12. But, if we wanted to go out, we could, without a second thought. We also hung out with friends more often. I never understood why it is so hard to see friends with children. Now, I get it. Babies are exhausting and, after a day of cleaning, feeding babies, holding them, changing them, playing with them, getting dinner ready, putting the babies to sleep...who has the energy. Especially since, let's say you go out at get home at 11pm, your baby will be up at 1:30am crying for a bottle. Hanging out is tough to do.

Before my marriage, there was a sense of freedom that goes away with marriage. I don't mean it in a negative way. It was like Alex and I were on this adventure without any responsibility. Yes, we were together, but we were still living our own lives. Ultimately, he did what he wanted and I did what I wanted. Once we made the commitment to get married, we had to view things as an 'us' or a 'we'. Before, if I wanted to go on a trip with a girlfriend, I did not have to check with Alex. I would spend my money and pack my suitcase at my apartment. But, once we married, it became our money.

Before meeting Alex, I went out. I went out a lot. I drank. I could stay up until 4 am. I lived in a town called Long Beach, which has a well-deserved and well-earned reputation as being the surfing destination on Long Island, as well as, a party town. It is a great place for singles. Hell, my friends and I would go out several times a week, as every bar had different theme nights, and everything was within walking distance. On the rare nights where I stayed in, I could open a bottle of red wine, get in my pjs, and watch whatever I wanted on the tv. I could flirt with every guy I met. My life was a big party that didn't end and I loved it.

I write this not having gone 'out' out in 13 months. I have not stayed up past midnight for any other reason than my daughter or my pregnancy in 13 months. I can't remember the last time I went to a bar. Our Friday and Saturday nights usually consist of watching some tv after our daughter goes to sleep and being in bed by 10pm or so. Quite often, we will split a bottle of wine. There is very little excitement and a lot of predictability.

But, I wouldn't trade my ho-hum little life for anything. There is no place else I would rather be than at home watching tv with my husband and seeing my baby sleep. For, despite the mundane day to day, I feel like my life now is the more adventurous than my life before.

she can be fun

So, Alex and I put in our dues. For 3.5 months, our baby screamed and yelled and puked and wouldn't sleep and was pissed off all the time.

Then, something happened. Or rather a few things happened. The first was that her colic started getting less and less until the only time that you could tell that she was a colic baby is around naptime/ sleeptime. Second, her digestive system matured. Third, she became a little person with a personality. Fourth, she began to smile all the time.

I wrote a post about how horrid colic is. But, I think it is impossible to understand unless you have had a colic baby as there is no comparison that can be made between the fits of a colic baby and the fits of a non-colic baby. Thankfully, her colic is all but gone. She is still very hard to get to bed and fights sleep like it is her job. And then I think about where she is now and where she was 2 months ago and how much she has improved and I don't stay frustrated. Plus, all she really wants when she has her before-sleep fits is for Alex or I to cuddle her and not put her down. Kind of flattering, in a way.

An important step in the process for her was the abating of her GERD. At her worst, she stopped eating and had a stay in the hospital. She had a very severe case of GERD and feeding her was a nightmare. But, with time, her digestive system matured and she stopped projectile vomiting and she started eating without screaming and arching her back in pain. Now, she gets excited to eat and tries to hold the bottle herself. She has not vomited in quite some time and hasn't screamed or arched her back from the pain of GERD in 2 months or so. In fact, we started her on oatmeal 3 days ago. This is not for nutrition, as babies do not need any other nutrition than formula or breastmilk at this point. Rather, it is for babies to learn the mechanics of eating. I will be honest and admit that she is not having trouble with the oatmeal, but I don't think she likes it much. If it weren't for her having had so much trouble with the mechanics of drinking her bottle that she likely needs a lot of practice with the mechanics of eating, I would wait until she was 6 months old.

Because her digestive system is so much better, our pediatrician made the call to take the baby off her medication. She had been on Axid for her GERD since she was 6 weeks old. Neither Alex nor myslef wanted her on meds this young, but I was nervous to take her off them. Why rock the boat when things have been going so well? But, she can't be on them forever and all signs point to her digestive system being able to handle being off the Axid. Three days in and so far, so good. The jury is still out though. Talk to me another few weeks.

My daughter has an awesome little personality. She is funny, really funny. I know all mothers think their children are funny. They are wrong, I am right. She is hysterical. She also is very opinionated. She knows what she wants and she will make it very clear that she wants it. She has different looks, coos, smiles, and cries for Alex and I. She has him wrapped around her little finger. Well, she has me wrapped around it too. She is impatient and she wants nothing more than to be walking around, exploring the world. She touched everything, shoves everything she can in her mouth. This is a time of exploration and learning for her and Alex and I are loving being able to witness this.

And her smiles!!! She has the prettiest smile. When she first sees us in the morning, she beams and laughs. When she wakes up from her naps, she gives us shy smiles. When she is playing with her toys or in her jumper, she smiles and laughs, but she is not smiling for Alex or I, she is smiling for herself. I could be having the worst day and she smiles and I melt into a little puddle of goo.

The change in her has been nothing short of amazing. There were times when Alex and I thought she would never be a happy baby, that she would always be in pain and pissed and colicky. And now she is happy and I don't think there can be any greater joy for parents than a happy and healthy baby.

damned if you do, damned if you don't

People love to give advice, regardless of whether or not it was asked for.

It started with pregnancy. Apparently, being pregnant is akin to holding up an 'open season' sign. I was advised to get a c-section, they are cleaner and you know exactly when the baby is coming. I was advised to go natural, it was healthiest for mother and child. I was advised to get an epidural, only crazy people want to feel that pain. I was advised on how to prevent stretch marks. I was advised on ways to kickstart labor. I was told I was too big. I was told to go on a diet. I was told that a glass of red wine a day would make my baby calmer. I took it all and smiled. The fact is, you can't argue with people about their beliefs regarding pregnancy. It is a fruitless endeavor.

For what it is worth, I had a c-section because my baby was almost 11 pounds. I used many types of lotions and oils and my stomach looked like a deflated balloon with so many stretch marks my stomach could pass for a topographical map of the Rocky Mountains.

Naively, I thought that once I had the baby, this would end. Hells to the no!! It got worse. The cockamaimy bullshit that people spout when it comes to babies is hysterical and shocking. Breastfeeding is for the birds, formula feeding makes you a bad mom. Babies should sleep in 75 degree rooms, babies should sleep in 65 degree rooms. Don't pick up your crying month old baby, she'll be spoiled. The tv makes a great babysitter. Giving a paci makes you a bad mother, not giving a paci makes you a stupid mother. Do not let the baby sleep in the bed with you. Do not let the baby sleep in the swing. Let your baby cry herself to sleep. Don't let your baby cry herself to sleep. The baby should be eating solids by now, the baby shouldn't be eating solids yet.

My personal favorites come from the old biddies. Why do you have the baby out without a hat (this was in late September on a 75 degree day). I don't like your baby's name, you should call her something else. And, drumroll, "You need to put your baby on a diet, she's too fat." She was 7 weeks old at that point.

The point is, no matter what you do, no matter how you choose to raise your baby, there is always going to be someone waiting in the wings to tell you that you are doing it wrong. There will always be someone there to tell you that all their children turned out great, so you should ignore the information that doctors have learned since said children were babies, cause "they all turned out fine".

I have come to the conclusion that I will be only listening to my pediatrician, my husband, my babies cues, and my mommy instincts. For the rest, I will smile vacantly and nod as though I am listening to the unsolicated advice being given and mentally transport myself somewhere else.